


A Bakers dozen of random drabbles

by KlikStar



Category: Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Heartache, Living in Denial, M/M, Mental Illness, Multiple Partners, Obsession, Regret, Thoughts of Suicide, Unhealthy Relationships, unrequited love/lust
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-14
Updated: 2016-11-14
Packaged: 2018-08-31 00:38:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8555821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KlikStar/pseuds/KlikStar
Summary: 13 short drabbles focusing on Cloud, inspired by 13 random songs from my IPod.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Reference to mental illness, angst, living in denial, heartache, thoughts of suicide, obsession, unrequited love/lust, unhealthy relationships, regret, multiple partners, character death, etc.
> 
> Nothing graphic, or over the top, but you have been warned.
> 
> Song titles and artist's name are listed in bold before each drabble for reference.

#### Mad hatter – Melanie Martinez

Cloud had problems, the mental kind. He’d had them a while now, ever since… well ever since he could remember really. And wasn’t that a kick in the teeth, because, for all Cloud could remember, there has always been a world he didn’t really know, yet always felt more comfortable in than being here.

He was like Alice in wonderland, a dump blonde who fell down a rabbit hole and ended up in Gaia only knows where talking to large rabbits with anxiety issues and big fat caterpillars that were high as kites on magic smoke.

It didn’t matter though, none of it did, because here was so much nicer than there. There in the real world.

He’d done what was needed, had saved the world, over and over and over again. He was done now though, had bowed out of that fight and hung up his sword.

Gaia could burn for all he cared, the mysterious caterpillar was so much more fun to talk to anyway.

 

#### Places to rest – Garfunkel and Oates

Lying in this bed, beside the man who he knew was going to break his heart. It hurt, it hurt so damn much.

But they couldn’t be more than this, this moment in time, this place, of all places, where no one else could be. It was just them and this moment, just them and the stars above their heads, this moment and their bodies coming together as one.

There is no time to think about it, the here and now, about the past of the present, no time to think of the future and what will become of this moment.

All there is each other and a moment in time that will never end, until it does.

 

#### Escape – Rupert Holmes

Dating wasn’t what it used to be, the faces of people you got to know or didn’t, the places you went and spent time together before deciding that it just wasn’t’ working out.

Cloud hated the ‘dating scheme’ as Yuffie called it, as Tifa encouraged it.

He wasn’t a social butterfly, he didn’t do drinks or dancing, he didn’t do fancy restaurants and personal adds desperately seeking his, or should he say their, version of his Suzanne.

What he liked was the colour of autumn leaves, the crisp smell of winter air. He liked hiding from the summer storms in his home by the lake, the warmth of coffee rising up from the mug in his hands while the tress laughed and danced in the wild wind and falling rain all around him.

They just didn’t understand that he didn’t do cities, that the metal jungle were not his scene, that it was here in his log cabin, at the foot of the mountains that he was most at home. The arms of a man he knew, but could never admit to being with, wrapped tightly around his waist, while a warm breath whispered never-ending, poetic words of love into his ear.

 

#### Where are you tonight – Tom Johnston

Zack was late, again.

Always late for their arranged dates, always late for their little get-together’s, and it was starting to break Cloud in ways he couldn’t describe.

Their relationship, if it could even be called that now, was over. It had to be for Cloud’s own sanity.

Giving up on waiting, giving up on being the pity party host again, the blonde gathered his coat from the back of his chair and left.

The air outside was cold and crisp, not yet winter, but no longer summer either. That perfect balance of autumn night that displayed red, gold and green leaves dancing together on a breeze that chilled your face and encouraged fogged breath.

It was the perfect evening for a walk with the one you loved, a perfect chance to hold each other tight, to keep each other warm. 

It would be perfect, if only Cloud knew where Zack was and why he wasn’t here now, where he was supposed to be.

 

#### Human – Nerina Pallot

Cloud had nothing, not a penny to his name. Homeless, jobless, friendless, no family to fall back on and call for help.

He owned nothing but the clothes on his back and the scares on his heart and his life, the one he lived now, was all that he had to show for the time he’d spent living.

The only blessing was that it was still spring, that summer would make sleeping on the streets that much easier, would make it warmer at least, but after that would be winter again and that was something to be feared.

He’d barley made it through this one, had fought off the cold and a sickness that plagued him for weeks, if not months, until he felt that he couldn’t take anymore and wished, pleaded, prayed for release from this life.

The goddess, in all her wisdom, had ignored him, again. Had instead let him heal and survive, had turned away from his desire to die and instead given him life.

It should have been a blessing, to heal, to recover, to survive, but to Cloud it simply sucked, it really did.

 

#### Not enough – 3 Doors Down

There was no one else who could play a guitar like that, no one else who could sing with such a voice, a voice that promised all manner of things.

The words weren’t meant for Cloud, not directly, but that didn’t stop him from hearing them that way. Didn’t stop him from imagining that sexy voice singing those words just for him.

Zack fair was the lead guitarist, the one that could play like the devil and enchant Cloud’s simple heart. He’d thought that it wasn’t possible for the man to cast a spell on him that went deeper, but then he sang and the blonde knew he was forever trapped by that sound, by the siren’s call. And he went willingly to its sound.

 

#### Inside – Vetical Horizon

Cloud hadn’t thought the red-head was meant for him, had watched from afar as Reno spent time with Rude. Time that clearly meant they were more than just good friends. But that didn’t stop him from wanting, from wishing that the red-head was his.

They had worked together for a while now, both mechanics in the same garage only working in different departments. Reno loved cars, the sportier the better, whereas Cloud loved motorbikes, the power of something so sleek and beautiful between his legs.

Ironic really that, despite wanting something powerful between his legs, all he really wanted to be was between Reno’s. Wanted to drive himself deeper inside that lithe body, wanted to push it as hard and as fast as the red-head could manage and bring them both to a mind blowing completion.

It was driving him mad, imaging them together, in the back of a sports car, or with Reno’s pale body spread over the hood of one, or even better bent over the custom leather of a motorbikes seat. He would be tight and wet and willing as he moaned Cloud's name, the blonde deep inside and pushing them further, faster, harder than either could imagine.

Yea, they booth loved hard and fast things. The problem was Reno liked the bigger, darker models, whereas Cloud, was addicted to the sleeker, more fiery coloured ones.

 

#### She loves me not – Papa Roach

Sephiroth was a casual hock-up. A night between sheets that meant nothing, yet meant everything in its own twisted way.

For Cloud the arrangement had been great, to start with. He’d been with the silver haired god a couple of times before, a casual get together that normally ended up in the bedroom and a couple of hours of hot sweaty, extremely pleasurable sex.

Then Sephiroth had made the suggest that they make it something more permanent, something more organised, and Cloud had foolishly thought he meant a relationship, a proper couple spending together.

As it turned out that was not the intention, not the way Sephiroth wanted it.

Friends with benefits didn’t even cover it, not anymore.

They weren’t friends, they weren’t even fuck buddies.

Sephiroth would call and Cloud would come. When they were done the blonde would leave, a little present or gift of cash in his pocket and a darker smudge of regret on his soul.

It wasn’t love, it wasn’t even fun anymore. But he still came when Sephiroth called so what did that say about him.

 

#### Till I hear it from you - Gin Blossoms

Zack had been away for a while now, almost 3 months, and it was slowly killing Cloud.

He knew it was part of the soldiers duty, understood what it meant for the other to be deployed and the responsibilities that entailed. 

Cloud was a stay at home army wife. The failure of making the cut into soldier himself only being lessened by Zack loves and support for him and the relationship they had formed together.

Now though, things were not so good. Not as rosy as they had once been.

Cloud still went to the soldier’s wives meetings, still did the bake sales and flower arranging classes with the ladies, but something was missing.

He longed for Zack’s arms holding him tight, for the soldier’s lips pressed against his own, for the others warmth and love to be all around him. He wouldn’t listen to the women speak about distance separating people, about the possible reason Zack hadn’t written in so long being his indifference to their situation or possibly intending to leave the blonde altogether. 

He waited instead for a letter from Zack to say that all was well, that all was right, and that he’d be coming home soon. Coming back home, to Cloud.

 

#### Hero – Chad Kroeger

What are you supposed to do when faced with your worst fears, with the truth of your life and the pain of what you must do?

How are you supposed to fight the one you love? 

How are you supposed to kill the one you would have died for, all those years ago?

Sephiroth hadn’t always been a bad man, hadn’t always wanted the world to burn, but then he wasn’t that man anymore. 

Just like Cloud wasn’t the one who’d loved him dearly, who shared his bed and, liked to believe, that had shared his heart.

Cloud knew he wasn’t a hero, because a hero would have been able to save the one they loved, not kill them.

He knew that no matter how many innocent people he saved by killing Sephiroth, he was failing the man himself, failing the one person he should be sacrificing his own life to save.

This man was not his love, was not his soul-mate, but that didn’t stop his heart from breaking as he drove his sword through the others exposed chest, didn’t stop his spirit from crumbling as he stole the light from Sephiroth’s eyes once more and watched him dissolve back into the lifestream again.

 

#### Believe in angels – Graeme Revell

Waking from a dream was not a new experience for Cloud, waking to find himself awake within a dream was also not so unusual.

He’d lived a life of dreams and realities, a life of horrors and nightmares. He’d lost himself to the lifestream and the sickness of mako poisoning often enough to have a dubious grip on reality at the best of times.

He still meets up with Aerith in her fields of flowers, still speaks with Zack in worlds of endless white, but this time… this time it was different.

Through the darkness that only Sephiroth can bring there is light, pale and beautiful and almost magical. It is ethereal in its brightness, like the moon has decided to shine down upon diamonds and sapphires and bring them to life all around it and there in the middle, is the one person who he wants to see most of all, the one person he can’t live without yet dies a little more inside every time they meet.

 

#### As Heaven is wide – Garbage

The club was packed, the bodies on the dance floor heaving, a world of sweat and sexually charged energy making the universe spin and dance as one endless beat

The bass was thumbing through Cloud’s veins, the alcohol he’d drunk making it easier to feel each pulse in his body jump and dance in time with his growing need, the need to move, to dance, to just fucking be alive.

It didn’t matter who was next to him, didn’t matter who’s body he moved against, didn’t even matter who’s hands were on his hips, his waist, his arse.

All that mattered was that they were moving, that they were also in time with the beat, that they didn’t fucking stop until he reached his peak, until the world exploded in beautiful colours and fireworks.

Somebody big and muscular was at his back, pressed up tight against his arse and grinding them up and down with the tempo, another body, equally well-built pressed up front and also riding the wave that was their personal rhythm.

It was torture to be between them and it was killing him, but Gaia help him if it wasn’t what he needed, what he wanted, what he craved above all else.

Noting else mattered in that moment, as he soared with angels on the crest of a wave and fell below the raging waters of a storm, when the bass kicked in and the hands on his thighs picked him up and carried him over the edge of euphoria.

 

#### Stay another day – East 17

Watching someone you love die was indescribable, holding their hand as the life left their body, as the light left their eyes, it was a devastation of the soul that had no comparison.

Cloud knew this because he was there, that person, watching as Zack slipped away, watched as the blood of the one he loved spilt out of the soldier’s body and formed a pool around them both.

He watched as mako bright eyes fought to stay, as they flared with the effort of remaining here in this time and place, and watched as they finally lost the battle, as the eyes of the one he loved closed on him for the last time.

It was agony, and aguish, all in one. It was a breaking of not just his heart but also his soul and he cried his pain to the world, to the heavens, to the goddess herself.

He didn’t want to live without Zack, couldn’t live without the soldier by his side.

They hadn’t been given enough time together, no chance to find a place to live in joy and happiness,

It wasn’t fair. He couldn’t, he wouldn’t, let Zack go, so he didn’t.

When they found him he would not be the man he was, or the man he vaguely remembered being, but instead the man he loved and would never, ever, let go of.


End file.
